THERESA May has cancelled next week’s general election after deciding it was not necessary after all.

The Conservative leader has recalled all ballot papers and suspended campaigning after...

There is an innuendo competition at the local hall tonight.

I think il enter my wife.....

Are on a building site and Paddy says to Murphy, i hear that if you fake madness you get sent home for the day on full pay so you do

Murphy replies is that so Paddy? Gee twud be a fine thing if...

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says “You know what I want, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” says Paddy. “The whole bed by the looks of it!”

A man who had recently met a girl bought a new sports car.

Picking the girl up he decided to test the water.

He said if I can get 200 mph out of this baby will you take your clothes off ?

The...

How odd, Cambridge University Netball Team will not be abbreviating their name.

Jeremy Corbyn in bank: Good morning , says Jer, could you please cash this cheque for me?

Cashier: It would be my pleasure Sir, but could you please show me some identification?

Corbyn: I did not...

A woman weightlifter was speaking to her doctor, “I think taking those steroids you prescribed is making me grow a penis” :sd the doctor asked “anabolic?” No she replied, just a penis. :P

BOHEMIAN CURRY (sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)

Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now he’s dead.
Naan-naa, dinner just begun
But now I’m going to crap it...

A woman runs a red traffic light and crashes into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly, neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; Wow, just...

Solicitor's Porsche
A Solicitor parked his brand new Porsche in front of the office to

show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out of the car, a truck came speeding along too

close to the...

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious sh*t about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.......

:a11: :a72: No cockerels, no donkeys, no angry falcons, car horns, balloons to wake me up in my quiet Copenhagen neighbourhood, so I have set four alarms for tomorrow morning. I feel like sharing the...

This, reputably, has been classed as possibly the worst job application form ever received.

Miss A. Tollminsom,
Human Resources Division.
Hayward Logistics Ltd.

Hi Mrs Tollminsum, my name is John...

Interesting idea....not sure it would go down well on Cairo metro :o

On the other hand, sitting on penis might... :tk Oh no....we won't go there...... :a78:

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'
The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
The...

MUSLIMS DEMAND THE QUEEN CONVERT OR LEAVE ENGLAND

Islam begins its takeover of England

London's Muslims want to take over the United Kingdom and force Queen Elizabeth to convert to Islam,...