Marriage proposal!

Discuss the problems that can occur in relationships with differing cultures and help overcome any barriers that exist.

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by newcastle »

BENNU wrote:
:o When did people stop caring? :?

There isn't a day when you don't hear locals and expats talk about women who have to go all the way to Luxor to get out of their loneliness and the men who marry them.

What is wrong in caring about how you are regarded as a guest in a foreign country?
Quite a lot in my view. :stp

Personally....I stopped caring about the rationality of women involving themselves with Luxor men ages ago.

I don't know ST. She appears to be mentally competent (despite my earlier jibes on this matter :D ). To advise her what she should do smacks of impertinence.

Should she care how she is regarded? Down to her really. She seems a bit confused on this issue (see her earlier posts re dress sense). I only care what those close to me might think....not the disparate denizens of an internet forum. :ks



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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Scottishtourist »

The End.

I've read every reply on this and thank everyone for their comments.

Having read them and examined my conscience,there will be NO papers "being made"..and NO flat being rented!

If it's the end of a nice friendship,then so be it.
One piece of advice I also choose to follow is "never lose more than you can afford to."

Then of course there would probably be the mental anguish if he decided to marry an Egyptian girl and have children.
Maybe I've just become more selfish as I get older..but cannot see myself being willing to share a "husband"..or whatever title the paper certificate would bestow on him.

Think I'd rather just enjoy a holiday,than get embroiled in all this..so that's what I intend to do.x

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Mad Dilys »

Good luck and God Bless you. :)
Smile! It confuses people

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by A-Four »

Scottishtourist wrote:The End.

One piece of advice I also choose to follow is "never lose more than you can afford to."
Sorry for not answering your request here earlier ST, having been busy and what with having to deal with a few bar flies on here, etc.

I notice your above comment, and although I may be wrong, I think this refers to a post I made some time ago on here with regards a certain lady I once met, so therefore I shall repeat it to the best of my knowledge.

Some years ago now, I was sitting reading a newspaper in the Luxor Hotel gardens, out of the blue, a lady approached me and said, "You are the man with the white pannama hat, a friend told me you could advice me",she then sat down.

She then went on to inform that, like you, she is not stupid, infact a retired solicitor's secretary, quite wealthy and very smartly dressed. I was told that she had only a few years to live, had met an Egyptian man much younger than herself, but feared that maybe he only wanted her for her money.

My advice. - When on the day you arrive to live here, remember the happiness you have in your heart, and if or when a time comes when you feel that happiness is no more, then it is time to get back on that plane, and as you fly over Luxor, you can still smile knowing you have enjoyed your time there, with the full knowledge that you have only lost the money you can afford, and nothing else, then say,.........Good- bye to Luxor.

She then smiled, thanked me and left, I never saw the lady again.

This is the only time any one has asked me for such advice, and it is the same advice I would give to you.

What ever you decide, I wish you well.

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Dusak »

You should do in life exactly what you want to ST. If you had gone ahead with the proposal, people would yap on about it. If you have declined the said offer, folk will still yap on about it. Later on all you have to think about is ''what if's.'' I missed two opportunities in life cos I thought about them to much [not woman related] still regret missing one of them, but you can't turn the clocks back and I should of gone with my gut instinct.
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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by BENNU »

Dusak wrote:you can't turn the clocks back and I should of gone with my gut instinct.
Not being a nurse and only speaking for myself - sometimes the gut is too close to other parts of my anatomy for me to make such a decision based on instincts. :oops:

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Scottishtourist »

Dusak wrote:You should do in life exactly what you want to ST. If you had gone ahead with the proposal, people would yap on about it. If you have declined the said offer, folk will still yap on about it. Later on all you have to think about is ''what if's.'' I missed two opportunities in life cos I thought about them to much [not woman related] still regret missing one of them, but you can't turn the clocks back and I should of gone with my gut instinct.
I sometimes think the "what ifs"are a major consideration in life Dusak.
"What if"my husband hadn't died?Would we still be together?
In some ways I doubt it!It was a very volatile relationship,albeit passionate!

Sometimes think I would probably have ended up on my own no matter what!
I honestly could never foresee a "comfortable,cosy"retirement with him!
In the years we were together..we both changed and sought different things from life.If he hadn't died,I honestly think those differences would have come to the fore,and we would be divorced!

"Gut instinct?"Am afraid common sense comes into equation for me,as does self-respect!

Yes,I know I maybe get it totally wrong in Luxor/Egypt,etc,with dress sense,etc.

But underneath all that,there is still a person with a (limited)brain..and a sense of what could be right for me...or wrong.

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by carrie »

You HAVE to do what is right for you ST never mind what anyone says or what anyone thinks, to be honest no one does really care what you get up to, might be topic of gossip for five minutes but do the gossipers matter to you? Do they affect your life in any way? You get on with it girl whatever you decide to do. Anyway whatever, you and your sister enjoy your holiday and don't complain about no loo paper :lol:

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by A-Four »

I think it would be a good idea if you ST was to study a few books on culture, manners, respect, and attitude in Upper Egypt. Your partner and his family would appreciate this, and yes, you will make big mistakes, and they wil laugh with you, but at least they know you are trying to fit in with the way of life there and then teach you the correct manner, rather than laugh the moment you are out of their sight.

You do not say which faith he is, however at least he will respect your Catholic faith, (even though this is a bit problem in Islam) rather than some women I have known in the past that tell their partner in Egypt, they have no faith at all, in most cases much respect is lost.

You may know that in Southern Italy and Greece only 40 years ago, when a woman married in the Catholic and Orthodox faith she wore only black in public,........those that did not were regarded quite differently.

How times have changed in the West, but not so in the East.

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Scottishtourist »

A-Four wrote:I think it would be a good idea if you ST was to study a few books on culture, manners, respect, and attitude in Upper Egypt. Your partner and his family would appreciate this, and yes, you will make big mistakes, and they wil laugh with you, but at least they know you are trying to fit in with the way of life there and then teach you the correct manner, rather than laugh the moment you are out of their sight.
I actually think this would pose a larger problem for me A-Four!
The thing is..I really don't want to conform!

I could read all the books necessary and present myself to them as what?

A Scottish Catholic trying to embrace Islam..and their way of life?
That would just be a ridiculous notion for me..and an insult for them!

Cos,no matter WHO they want me to be..I ain't gonna be THAT person,and am somewhat unwilling to change myself into their maybe stereotypical view of the kind of woman their son should marry!
Why should I?
It ain't ME!

Quite frankly,it's taken me 52 years to actually like the person I am now!
I don't have another 52 years to change it.

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by A-Four »

As I said, you are not stupid, and I admire the respect you have for the passion of your faith, more importantly than over the passion of the body, which is a rare thing in many such marriages, and even more so for those that declare no faith, especially when the partner is a passionate Muslim.

You know as well as I, this would not work.

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Robbo70 »

A-Four wrote:As I said, you are not stupid, and I admire the respect you have for the passion of your faith, more importantly than over the passion of the body, which is a rare thing in many such marriages, and even more so for those that declare no faith, especially when the partner is a passionate Muslim.

You know as well as I, this would not work.
Sometimes it works very well :P

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Scottishtourist »

Robbo70 wrote:
A-Four wrote:As I said, you are not stupid, and I admire the respect you have for the passion of your faith, more importantly than over the passion of the body, which is a rare thing in many such marriages, and even more so for those that declare no faith, especially when the partner is a passionate Muslim.

You know as well as I, this would not work.
Sometimes it works very well :P
I honestly think you are the exception,rather than the rule Robbo.x

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by A-Four »

Scottishtourist wrote:
Robbo70 wrote:
A-Four wrote:As I said, you are not stupid, and I admire the respect you have for the passion of your faith, more importantly than over the passion of the body, which is a rare thing in many such marriages, and even more so for those that declare no faith, especially when the partner is a passionate Muslim.

You know as well as I, this would not work.
Sometimes it works very well :P
I honestly think you are the exception,rather than the rule Robbo.x
Exactly ST, and she knows full well I've already said that much more than once.

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Dusak »

I know of a few mixed marriages here that survive exceedingly well under such mutual understandings, they just don't discuss it openly but is clearly evident to close friends. The books of etiquette were written a very long time ago. Luxor, as time has, has changed. The peoples ideas of how we Westerners should be seen to behave within the [Egyptians] public eyes has evolved to a far greater level of acceptance. To see this you only have to wander the streets on any given day to see how attitudes have altered towards their own young girls mode of dress while in public.
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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Glyphdoctor »

Economic expediency is a powerful force in Luxor. They may accept your lifestyle to your face, but as a rule, one usually doesn't know what is said behind one's back and so it is rather cocky to ever say "I am accepted blah blah blah" as many people do. I think the murder of the Englishman is a potent example of the internal conflict in attitudes that exists.

As for girl's dress, in the 1960s and 1970s miniskirts that covered virtually nothing and sleeveless dresses that left nothing to the imagination were common. It doesn't mean the girls were loose. And as someone wrote somewhere that I read recently, 95% of prostitutes wear niqab. The dress of the youth is more a matter of fashion than a barometer of their attitudes and behavior. What's available in the shops is what one has to choose from. And they are likely to get harassed and probably more so than in the past so what does that say about attitudes to girls?

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Dusak »

You do not have to be an Egyptian to get spoken of behind your back, plenty Europeans do it and its a trait of nearly all the worlds populations. I think that all are usually spoken to face to face in a polite manner, giving the impression that we, you, all are excepted, but only the next batch of people that particular individual speaks to know their real opinion towards you, me and others, and so it goes on. I would of liked to see an Egyptian girl in a mini skirt, without I presume, the leggings underneath as in Western style. I would of been dropping 1Le notes all over the place. :dv
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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Mad Dilys »

Excellent post, Dusak, how to win friends and influence people eh? :urm:
Smile! It confuses people

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Re: Marriage proposal!

Post by Dusak »

Mad Dilys wrote:Excellent post, Dusak, how to win friends and influence people eh? :urm:
I try my best, but at times its difficult. :)
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.

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