Relationship with an Egyptian male.

[Subversion]

[quote="Glyphdoctor"]It is a fact that in every country the life expectancy of men is lower than women. Therefore, the pool of eligible age-appropriate men for a woman is less than the age-appropriate pool of women for a man. Also, women tend to marry men older than them on average, so they are more likely to be left widows than the men are left widowers. Therefore, I think in their golden years, there is somewhat more of a logic to a woman being with a younger man, and less for a man to be with a younger woman.


Wasn't this the original thinking behind the "4 wives" concept

As I understand it was never a custom driven by allowing a man to have multiple women to bed - but driven by the thinking that it was better for a woman to share a husband than be alone and unprovided for/unprotected?

S

[newcastle]

On another note - I once had a "younger" muslim partner (accepting all the criticisms that since we "lived in sin" he wasn't exactly at "good muslim"). One day I asked him why he was content to settle for an "older" woman, when frankly he had a pick of younger girls from both his own and european cultural backgrounds.

His explanation was that I was more like a "traditional" girl - that younger girls increasingly from his own, and european culture were more obsessed with make up, getting drunk and partying all night.

Sx

Excuse the cynicism but....well...he would, wouldn't he ?

P.S. Are young Egyptian girls obsessed with make up, getting drunk and partying all night??

[Subversion]

On another note - I once had a "younger" muslim partner (accepting all the criticisms that since we "lived in sin" he wasn't exactly at "good muslim"). One day I asked him why he was content to settle for an "older" woman, when frankly he had a pick of younger girls from both his own and european cultural backgrounds.

His explanation was that I was more like a "traditional" girl - that younger girls increasingly from his own, and european culture were more obsessed with make up, getting drunk and partying all night.

Sx

Excuse the cynicism but....well...he would, wouldn't he ?

P.S. Are young Egyptian girls obsessed with make up, getting drunk and partying all night??

a) why ask me to excuse your cynicism?
b) do extrapolate your point - forgive me for being confused by your "but...well" comment

[Glyphdoctor]

The original idea behind the 4 wives concept was that before the 4 wives concept, there was NO LIMIT on how many wives a man could take. There were men in the beginning of Islam, when they became Muslim, had far more than that and had to divorce some of them to get down to 4. It's totally the opposite of what many people assume. It is actually a restriction.

[newcastle]

On another note - I once had a "younger" muslim partner (accepting all the criticisms that since we "lived in sin" he wasn't exactly at "good muslim"). One day I asked him why he was content to settle for an "older" woman, when frankly he had a pick of younger girls from both his own and european cultural backgrounds.

His explanation was that I was more like a "traditional" girl - that younger girls increasingly from his own, and european culture were more obsessed with make up, getting drunk and partying all night.

Sx

Excuse the cynicism but....well...he would, wouldn't he ?

P.S. Are young Egyptian girls obsessed with make up, getting drunk and partying all night??

a) why ask me to excuse your cynicism?
b) do extrapolate your point - forgive me for being confused by your "but...well" comment

I'm not saying money/financial benefits were his motive in pursuing an older woman, but he would hardly admit it if it was! And the ' I don't relate to girls of my own age/ culture ' is as old a chestnut as the 'my wife doesn't understand me' line.

[dsaxelby]

On another note - I once had a "younger" muslim partner (accepting all the criticisms that since we "lived in sin" he wasn't exactly at "good muslim"). One day I asked him why he was content to settle for an "older" woman, when frankly he had a pick of younger girls from both his own and european cultural backgrounds.

His explanation was that I was more like a "traditional" girl - that younger girls increasingly from his own, and european culture were more obsessed with make up, getting drunk and partying all night.

Sx[/quote]

Excuse the cynicism but....well...he would, wouldn't he ?

P.S. Are young Egyptian girls obsessed with make up, getting drunk and partying all night??[/quote]

a) why ask me to excuse your cynicism?
b) do extrapolate your point - forgive me for being confused by your "but...well" comment[/quote]

I'm not saying money/financial benefits were his motif in pursuing sn older woman, but he would hardly admit it if it was! And the ' I don't relate to girls of my own age/ culture ' is as old a chestnut as the 'my wife doesn't understand me' line.[/quote]


A male Muslim friend explained it like this.... Every one wants a car.... If all he can have is a Ford Escort he will settle for a Ford Escort until a Ferrari becomes available. Then he will drive a Ferrari.

[Glyphdoctor]

On another note - I once had a "younger" muslim partner (accepting all the criticisms that since we "lived in sin" he wasn't exactly at "good muslim"). One day I asked him why he was content to settle for an "older" woman, when frankly he had a pick of younger girls from both his own and european cultural backgrounds.

His explanation was that I was more like a "traditional" girl - that younger girls increasingly from his own, and european culture were more obsessed with make up, getting drunk and partying all night. And it minded me of a conversation I had had with an English friend and her younger Egyptian husband some years previously in Luxor.

It's the what I refer to as "mother stands for comfort" phenomena and nor then does it surprise me that so many men from certain cultural backgrounds are drawn towards "older" women.

That's one way of making it palatable to oneself, but I think a more accurate translation of this would be, "You look ugly and stay home and sober and therefore you are less likely to be fooling around with anyone but me than other girls would."

[newcastle]

On another note - I once had a "younger" muslim partner (accepting all the criticisms that since we "lived in sin" he wasn't exactly at "good muslim"). One day I asked him why he was content to settle for an "older" woman, when frankly he had a pick of younger girls from both his own and european cultural backgrounds.

His explanation was that I was more like a "traditional" girl - that younger girls increasingly from his own, and european culture were more obsessed with make up, getting drunk and partying all night. And it minded me of a conversation I had had with an English friend and her younger Egyptian husband some years previously in Luxor.

It's the what I refer to as "mother stands for comfort" phenomena and nor then does it surprise me that so many men from certain cultural backgrounds are drawn towards "older" women.

That's one way of making it palatable to oneself, but I think a more accurate translation of this would be, "You look ugly and stay home and sober and therefore you are less likely to be fooling around with anyone but me than other girls would."

Ouch!

[Glyphdoctor]

I know, but I've heard it said more than once though. Some men are really paranoid about Europeans that they will fool around so they prefer one that is less attractive, maybe fat, because they think she is less attractive to other men and therefore less likely to cheat on them.

[newcastle]

I think I've heard similar.

But there would have to be something more

[BENNU]

Long before going to Egypt, I met women in Denmark who were convinced that in the particular tribes of their African husbands, fat old wives gave prestige. After three years, the men would be free to stay in the country without marriage and if they stayed, the wives would see this as proof of their honourable intentions. Knowing their husbands and how difficult it is to find an affordable flat in Copenhagen, I could see that they had a "mother" looking after them, feeding them and paying the rent. They got away with partying and enjoying all the blonde girls they could overcome while their wives stayed at home in denial.

It was no use telling the women, after being convinced by their husbands that you were jealous, they would pity you for not having their luck, because their Mahmodou was different. Their Mahmodous would give me the "My wife doesn't understand me, but you know my culture and take pride in your own."

I recognise all this in Luxor, including the part where certain men get nervous when seeing me near their wives or girlfriends, knowing that I probably have a few stories to tell.

[carrie]

Oh never tell Bennu, you just come off worst.

[Subversion]

A male Muslim friend explained it like this.... Every one wants a car.... If all he can have is a Ford Escort he will settle for a Ford Escort until a Ferrari becomes available. Then he will drive a Ferrari.[/quote]


To some extent we are all Ford Escorts - irrespective of culture - its not just muslim men (whatever age) that resist the chance to test drive a Ferrari given the opportunity.

That said - we should remember women drive too - anyone got a Bugatti Veyron hanging around

Sx

[Dusak]

Going back a few years we had a youngish Egyptian friend. He was a taxi driver, but didn't own one. He was a fixer, but had nothing to offer the he personally owned. He survived life touting his various borrowed trades outside the Gaddis hotel. He was well mannered and not offensive or pushy. A few years later we saw him in MacDonald's sat with a very old woman, she looked close to being ninety. He stood up as he saw us, ushering us away from his table. My curiosity was aroused so I moved closed to the table and introduced myself to the lady. He had no option but to present her as his wife. It was only a guess, but she seemed hardly capable of stringing two words together she was so doddery in her manner. Today he has a taxi, fine clothes, still working his pitch outside the hotel. Nothing much new in this tale, but an example as to why he was so protective towards her. She was his prize cash cow, and probably the main reason as to why he kept a close eye on her, so no other local predators could benefit from her purse.

I know a couple here that have been married for a few years. He works very hard to give them a comfortable life, she having no money to call her own. This marriage is as strong as fort Knox and one that is obviously just as strong in love and mutual respect, there is an age gap that I would guess at around twenty years. I think that it is far better to view these partnerships, the successful ones, and there are quite a few in Luxor, than the disaster story ones which are not unique to Egypt.

[Glyphdoctor]

Actually, it's best to live and enjoy one's own life. No need to be viewing others and telling stories. Relationships are for living, not turning into novels. Others' lives are theirs, our lives are ours, and there's no connection between the two and their stories serve no purpose.

[BENNU]

She was his prize cash cow, and probably the main reason as to why he kept a close eye on her, so no other local predators could benefit from her purse.

This marriage is as strong as fort Knox and one that is obviously just as strong in love and mutual respect, there is an age gap that I would guess at around twenty years. I think that it is far better to view these partnerships, the successful ones, and there are quite a few in Luxor, than the disaster story ones which are not unique to Egypt.

Can we not make room for both?

I have sometimes tried to share my observations and the very little signs that stop me from falling prey or wasting my time as a single woman in Luxor, believing that others could benefit. This has always been dismissed on the forum. That the phenomenon is not unique to Egypt is what has helped me. Had I arrived less experienced, I would probably not have been able to resist a charming man, but there is little they can say that I have not heard before - long before booking my first ticket to Egypt.

I mentioned a woman earlier who expected to find a healthy relationship in Luxor. The one time that she had left the resort, she was overwhelmed with the kindness she met as one of very few tourists. She had never felt so popular in her life and believed that all the locals really liked her. With so many choices, she thought that sooner or later, the right one would come along if she moved to Luxor. She had already fallen for a few tourists scams not involving romance and I discouraged her from making more of a fool of herself. Only viewing successful partnerships would have given a nice woman more hope and could have turned her dream into another disaster story.

[Who2]

Could this be the start of a beautiful intercultural relationship ?....

Luxor Marathon 2016 0825hrs.

[Major Thom]

Think this sums it up nicely.... Especially when dealing with the West Bank Golden Boys.

[carrie]

In your opinion MT. I have met some of the kindest, nicest, Egyptian people here on the west bank, I suppose it depends on who you mix with and how you treat them.
What about the Europeans here trying to sell their property at exorbitant prices to visitors? They are trying to make much more money out of the visitors than the Egyptians.

[Glyphdoctor]

Cue up the complaints about an unnamed Dutch woman...