51 Signs You're Getting Older.

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WIZARD
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51 Signs You're Getting Older.

Post by WIZARD »

51 Signs
You're Getting Older

1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

3. You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

4. Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.

5. Your children begin to look middle aged.

6. You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

7. Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

8. You look forward to a dull evening.

9. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."

10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

11. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

12. Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.

14. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.

15. Your back goes out more than you do.

17. Your Pacemaker makes the garage doors go up when you see a pretty girl.

18. The little old gray haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.

19. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

20. You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

21. You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercise.

22. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

23. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

24. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

25. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

26. You are proud of your lawn mower.

27. Your best friend is dating someone half his age...and isn't breaking any laws.

28. You call 'Help the aged' before they call you.

29. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

30. You sing along with the elevator music.

31. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

32. You constantly talk about the price of petrol.

33. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

34. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

35. You make an appointment to see the dentist.

36. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

37. Neighbors borrow your tools.

38. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

39. You have a dream about prunes.

40. You answer a question with, "because I said so."

41. You send money to Age Concern.

42. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

43. You take a metal detector to the beach.

44. You wear black socks with sandals.

45. You know what the word "equity" means.

46. You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch TV.

47. Your ears are hairier than your head.

48. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

49. You got cable for the weather channel (sometimes referred to as "Old Folks MTV").

50. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

51. When you bend over, you look for something else to do while you're down there.


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Dusak
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Re: 51 Signs You're Getting Older.

Post by Dusak »

And just a taster of things to come our way.

An old couple is having another couple over for dinner. While the two women are fixing the dinner, the men start talking and one says to the other one "I took my wife to a great restaurant last week - wonderful food, huge portions, great service, and low prices." The other man says "Sounds great. What was the name of the restaurant?" The man says "What's the name of that red flower that you give to someone special?" "Carnation?" his friend asks. "No, that's not it." "Poppy?" he asks again. "No, that's not it either." "Rose?" he asks. "That's it. Now I remember. Hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to?"



I was asleep and dreaming of the old days of hot-tubs and free sex when all of a sudden the awesome reality of a firm breast in my mouth caused me to slowly rise from my slumber......turns out the rubber nose piece from my CPAP machine came off and fell int my mouth and I had been chewing on it.....

It's great to have a gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.

I once saw my grandparents have sex, and that's why I don't eat raisins.

An eighty year old man was sitting on the couch with his wife when she said to him, "Why don't you come sit close to me like you used to." So he did. After a moment she said, "Why don't you put your arm around me like you used to." He put his arm around her and held her tight. Then she said,"Why don't you nibble on my ear like you used to." The man got up and left the room. "Where are you going?" she called out. "To get my teeth," he replied.
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.
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