A New(ish) poem by Pam Ayres

The Literary Corner is a place to discuss your favourite books and authors and to add your own poems and stories.

Moderators: DJKeefy, 4u Network

Post Reply
newcastle
Egyptian God
Egyptian God
Posts: 8695
Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2013 11:49 am
Has thanked: 1548 times
Been thanked: 5127 times
Contact:
Egypt

A New(ish) poem by Pam Ayres

Post by newcastle »

Satnav – A new poem by Pam Ayres

I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car.
A Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, i've had it all my life.
It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
"It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear.
And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device.
For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught.
So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed.
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off!


User avatar
carrie
Egyptian Pharaoh
Egyptian Pharaoh
Posts: 4910
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 10:46 am
Location: luxor
Has thanked: 1860 times
Been thanked: 2885 times
Contact:
United Kingdom

Re: A New(ish) poem by Pam Ayres

Post by carrie »

My daughter and I were going somewhere and had the sat nav on telling us which way to go. The woman's superior voice, her insistence that we turn left when the sign post in front of us definitely pointed to the right, beep beep beep, how anyone puts up with the damn things I don't know. I prefer to get lost.
User avatar
Horus
Egyptian God
Egyptian God
Posts: 7933
Joined: Tue Oct 10, 2006 11:59 pm
Location: UK
Has thanked: 2431 times
Been thanked: 1870 times
Gender:
Contact:
United Kingdom

Re: A New(ish) poem by Pam Ayres

Post by Horus »

The best think about satnav’s is that you can often download other voices to give you the directions. I have a really creepy one that I used to put on for the Grand-kids when travelling at night, it would suddenly pipe up with things like “I wouldn’t stop here if I were you” and “who is that creepy guy in the car behind us?” :a82: they loved it. There is even a ‘Ozzy Osbourne’ voice that is quite hilarious if you miss a turning as he chastises you with quite colourful language. :lol: :lol:
Image
User avatar
Jayway
Member
Member
Posts: 238
Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2009 8:07 pm
Location: Portugal
Has thanked: 872 times
Been thanked: 161 times
Portugal

Re: A New(ish) poem by Pam Ayres

Post by Jayway »

For my first experience I had one in my american hirecar. It was a godsend - - most of the time. It did play me for a fool once, sent me down smaller and wilder tracks that ended in a flood. The tracks in Florida have ditches either side. It took me an hour to back out to turn, only ten minutes to drive in - I had visions of ending up eaten by alligators if I ditched the car. :x :x :x
User avatar
FABlux
Egyptian God
Egyptian God
Posts: 9975
Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2005 1:32 pm
Location: Luxor
Has thanked: 155 times
Been thanked: 78 times
Gender:
Contact:
Egypt

Re: A New(ish) poem by Pam Ayres

Post by FABlux »

Must admit I wouldn't be without one. Having arrived at Charles De Gaulle airport with no idea where we were going it was a Godsend. There were 6 roads at a time all apparently interchanging & ours told us exactly which lanes to take etc. Sadly as it got near our destination it decided to take the scenic routes on ever narrower roads, when we got a map there were other much larger roads it could have taken without the risk of falling into ditches! The hire car has 1 as well so we run the 2 in parallel (with 1 muted) to see which route we prefer :oops:
User avatar
Dusak
Egyptian Pharaoh
Egyptian Pharaoh
Posts: 6190
Joined: Sun May 11, 2008 2:29 pm
Location: LUXOR
Has thanked: 3241 times
Been thanked: 3812 times
Gender:
Thailand

Re: A New(ish) poem by Pam Ayres

Post by Dusak »

One of the beast automotive inventions ever. Could you imagine if they had them on the taxis/cars here? Who do you think would win the directions arguments. Could you even get from A-B with the road closures, weddings, death marches and street parties. Unless of course they have an updated version just for Luxor streets.

''You should turn next left, but Mr Mohamed and his family are having a wedding so this turning is not an option. The next left is barricaded by the traffic police for license checks so the system advises you to turn next right as you have no license. By turning right you will encounter a very slow donkey horse cart, so the system advises the third turning on the right, your right is on the side the passenger sits in, your left nearest the side window but go slow as a burst water-main will exceed the height of your suspension and the three holes in you foot well could flood your and passengers feet, the system detects a possible death hazard if this happens due to your rewiring of the faulty ignition system from your electronic door locks. Take the next left after the police barricade, then take a right. This will bring you back to the beginning so the system advises that you park up for the night and start again tomorrow, but please note, due to the heavy traffic because of the Thursday wedding parades it may be necessary to leave you vehicle and take a bicycle. This system can not operate on a bicycle unless you peddle very fast with the correct alternator connected to the handlebars.''
Life is your's to do with as you wish- do not let other's try to control it for you. Count Dusak- 1345.
newcastle
Egyptian God
Egyptian God
Posts: 8695
Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2013 11:49 am
Has thanked: 1548 times
Been thanked: 5127 times
Contact:
Egypt

Re: A New(ish) poem by Pam Ayres

Post by newcastle »

A few months ago I went to Temple at Tod from Luxor with a friend who used satnav.

I got us to Tod....but after that it had us going hither & thither and eventually up a blind alley.

Useless.
User avatar
BBLUX
Egyptian God
Egyptian God
Posts: 7272
Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2005 1:17 pm
Location: Winter in West Bank, Luxor and La Vienne, France in Summer
Has thanked: 104 times
Been thanked: 357 times
Gender:
Contact:
France

Re: A New(ish) poem by Pam Ayres

Post by BBLUX »

We use a handheld GPS for navigation assistance in Egypt. The roads change too much and I don't think an accurate road map exists in any case. I plot the route using Google Earth and input the coordinates obtained from that. You have to extrapolate a bit because it does not follow the road but just takes you between waypoints. It proved very useful when locating Mons Claudianus for the first time as that was across country off road.
It keeps me amused anyway :oops:
Image

Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
User avatar
DJKeefy
Site Administrator
Site Administrator
Posts: 11025
Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: UK
Has thanked: 652 times
Been thanked: 1222 times
Gender:
Contact:
Egypt

Re: A New(ish) poem by Pam Ayres

Post by DJKeefy »

Going to Ipswich the other day on the M25 the nice women on the satnav told me to turn right. :lol: on the way back (again on the M25) she said at the roundabout take the 2nd turning :lol:

Besides the above mistakes I love satnav :D (I use Waze now bought by google)

Yet googles own google map app for directions, makes me want to smash my phone up, it will take me everywhere except the place I want to be, It was always telling me that I had arrived at my destination outside various burger joints :lol: :o
Image
Post Reply
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post
  • A poem
    by Horus » » in Literary Corner
    1 Replies
    1147 Views
    Last post by newcastle
  • A Womans poem
    by WIZARD » » in Literary Corner
    1 Replies
    922 Views
    Last post by Bullet Magnet
  • Highway. 109--poem.
    by WIZARD » » in Literary Corner
    2 Replies
    1157 Views
    Last post by WIZARD
  • The First Poem I Ever Read...
    by Zooropa » » in Literary Corner
    2 Replies
    1478 Views
    Last post by Mad Dilys
  • THE MAN WHO THINKS HE CAN. - poem
    by WIZARD » » in Literary Corner
    2 Replies
    601 Views
    Last post by LovelyLadyLux