Luxor4u

This the second time of me buying 2 boxes of frozen Pork at 20kilos each, I even got the sows ears.
This time it turns out that the ears were the only part of the pig the rest is mutton.
So, 'tucked up again just like a kipper, there really is one born every minute, oink-baa-oink....
Joke1:
A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says, "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:

"I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

Shame Doctor, they say the only bit of a pig you cannot eat is the "Oink" . . .
Still, the ears may well make a nice silk purse or 2 ...

Anyhow, my colleague should be in soon to relive me, so to speak... and will be bringing in a Bacon and Black pudding Bap with a dash of HP sauce...

Being from a farming community, I think I may have heard that joke before, may have been in 1972, or maybe 1973...
Having lived in both the Dales and North Wales, I know every Sheep joke known to man...

How does a Welshman find a sheep in the long grass ?
Quite good actually..

We practice safe sex in Wales.. We paint an X on the backs of sheep that kick.

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a Border Collie?
A dog that rounds up Welsh-Men.

The Welsh Have invented a new use for sheep.
Wool.


Whats the fastest thing in Wales?
A Virgin Sheep.

Whats the second fastest thing in Wales?
The virgin sheep's shepherd.

What do the welsh call a flock of sheep?
A Harem

What do you call a Welshman with more than one sheep?
A bigamist.


What do you call a Welshman with 500 girl friends?
A Shepherd.

Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.

Why are Welsh Border Collies so quick on their feet?
They've seen what happens to slow sheep.


And finally......



A Londoner is visiting North Wales,
He watched a shepherd tending sheep and joined him for a chat whilst on his rounds in the fields.
After a while, they came across an ewe with her head caught in a fence.

The shepherd dropped his trousers, got down on his knees and had his way with the ewe.
Satisfied, the shepherd buttoned up and turned to the Londoner and said.

'Fancy a go?'

'Don't mind if I do...' said the Londoner,
so he drops his trousers, gets on his knees, and sticks his head in the fence.

our bit tasted nice though

In reference to the jokes BM, about five years ago I posted on here my own and friends observations of the very same 'live act' in a field from the roof top, but with a cow (size does matter) I think the post lasted two days before it got nuked as the prim and proper brigade that then ruled the waves considered it unfunny and branded me a sexual deviant to boot. I think, considering the average age of the then puritan committee, they seemed to think that it was I that was standing rear guard and I was bestowing the virtues of a farming life. A simple mistake to make I think.

Over the past 3 weeks I have munched my way through 3 x 1kg Pork Pies, 2 kg of Black pudding, 2 kg of Back Bacon, 1 bottle of HP Brown Sauce, 2 Greggs Steak and Kidney Pies, 4 Pigs Trotters, and 1 tin of Fussels Milk made into sandwich's.

Cannot wait for my friends to come back again with more stocks.....

Greedy, selfish bar-steward that you are. Talk about rubbing salt in the cut crackling. It's no wonder you need a revisit to Pri-Mart.

Turning my 'silk purse into some tasty cuts and recipes, our guard dog Farouk is growing by the day, his 'bite against one and all is just a leg away. My catering skills have moved into doggy-food which he seems to appreciate also keeping him on the straight and narrow, with big 'bitey raw bones....'and the Acme silent dog whistle, thanks to Fran.
The 'coptic friend I purchased said: 'Pinky the Pig transforming later into Larry the Lamb, more like Mary the Mutton, from Soho, took quite a bit of convincing, pictures, of roasted pig, recipes to die for, in the death I said right, "give this to your Mum to cook, she'll know if its pig or lamb, he relented 'We both laughed "You've been done my old son, and so probably have I",
even Coptic's nick off Coptic's, anyway I still have the sow's ears yet to deal with.
I love a trier, that guy who sold tower bridge to a yank 'love him to death...
My pals at St John's will love the story by the time I've embellished it. https://www.stjohngroup.uk.com....peace, love and a big chopper....