Luxor4u

Satnav – A new poem by Pam Ayres

I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car.
A Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, i've had it all my life.
It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
"It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear.
And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device.
For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught.
So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed.
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off!

My daughter and I were going somewhere and had the sat nav on telling us which way to go. The woman's superior voice, her insistence that we turn left when the sign post in front of us definitely pointed to the right, beep beep beep, how anyone puts up with the damn things I don't know. I prefer to get lost.

The best think about satnav’s is that you can often download other voices to give you the directions. I have a really creepy one that I used to put on for the Grand-kids when travelling at night, it would suddenly pipe up with things like “I wouldn’t stop here if I were you” and “who is that creepy guy in the car behind us?” they loved it. There is even a ‘Ozzy Osbourne’ voice that is quite hilarious if you miss a turning as he chastises you with quite colourful language.

For my first experience I had one in my american hirecar. It was a godsend - - most of the time. It did play me for a fool once, sent me down smaller and wilder tracks that ended in a flood. The tracks in Florida have ditches either side. It took me an hour to back out to turn, only ten minutes to drive in - I had visions of ending up eaten by alligators if I ditched the car.

Must admit I wouldn't be without one. Having arrived at Charles De Gaulle airport with no idea where we were going it was a Godsend. There were 6 roads at a time all apparently interchanging & ours told us exactly which lanes to take etc. Sadly as it got near our destination it decided to take the scenic routes on ever narrower roads, when we got a map there were other much larger roads it could have taken without the risk of falling into ditches! The hire car has 1 as well so we run the 2 in parallel (with 1 muted) to see which route we prefer

One of the beast automotive inventions ever. Could you imagine if they had them on the taxis/cars here? Who do you think would win the directions arguments. Could you even get from A-B with the road closures, weddings, death marches and street parties. Unless of course they have an updated version just for Luxor streets.

''You should turn next left, but Mr Mohamed and his family are having a wedding so this turning is not an option. The next left is barricaded by the traffic police for license checks so the system advises you to turn next right as you have no license. By turning right you will encounter a very slow donkey horse cart, so the system advises the third turning on the right, your right is on the side the passenger sits in, your left nearest the side window but go slow as a burst water-main will exceed the height of your suspension and the three holes in you foot well could flood your and passengers feet, the system detects a possible death hazard if this happens due to your rewiring of the faulty ignition system from your electronic door locks. Take the next left after the police barricade, then take a right. This will bring you back to the beginning so the system advises that you park up for the night and start again tomorrow, but please note, due to the heavy traffic because of the Thursday wedding parades it may be necessary to leave you vehicle and take a bicycle. This system can not operate on a bicycle unless you peddle very fast with the correct alternator connected to the handlebars.''

A few months ago I went to Temple at Tod from Luxor with a friend who used satnav.

I got us to Tod....but after that it had us going hither & thither and eventually up a blind alley.

Useless.

We use a handheld GPS for navigation assistance in Egypt. The roads change too much and I don't think an accurate road map exists in any case. I plot the route using Google Earth and input the coordinates obtained from that. You have to extrapolate a bit because it does not follow the road but just takes you between waypoints. It proved very useful when locating Mons Claudianus for the first time as that was across country off road.
It keeps me amused anyway

Going to Ipswich the other day on the M25 the nice women on the satnav told me to turn right. on the way back (again on the M25) she said at the roundabout take the 2nd turning

Besides the above mistakes I love satnav (I use Waze now bought by google)

Yet googles own google map app for directions, makes me want to smash my phone up, it will take me everywhere except the place I want to be, It was always telling me that I had arrived at my destination outside various burger joints