Luxor4u

I have had a strange and traumatic but very interesting and eventful few years - but they have not always been happy ones. This last year has been one of the worst because it has been full of rows and broken promises. People from my past have resurfaced; some with good vibes and some without. Anyway I decided to have a clear out and what I cleared out was somewhat bizarre.

On the spur of the moment I got my husband to get out the kitchen steps and retrieve what was left of my mother's ashes from the top of my wardrobe where they have been since she died seven years ago. Then I retrieved my brother's ashes from my study where they had been since he died in September then I went out in the rain (it was dark) and disposed of both of them.

Although my mother died in my arms I have to remind myself that she did not like me and although I am not blaming her for my ills, I do have a feeling that she might have brought some negativity into my life. My brother did not dislike me, he positively hated me so from him there would not have been just negativity there would have been malice.

Now they have gone from my home - and I feel quite light hearted about it and I have a feeling that a burden has been lifted from my shoulders.

How do others live with the dead?

The only ashes I have is of my border collie Max, that have been there for 5 years. I have meant to bury them under the ponga tree where he used to sleep in the summer, but I just havent. I feel guilty every time I see them.

My Grandmother died of cancer, and I was very upset, as I was at boarding school, and could not do more to help her. Many years later I had a soul retrieval, and the shaman said my Grandmother was still with me as I hadnt let her go. So I had to let go. But we had a loving relationship, I havent had anyone with animosity towards me die,(so far so good).

I always light a candle, and have a little talk to whoever it is I know has died. Try and see them, younger and healed of the trials of their lives. See them at a time when they were happy, and loving. Then I find that I am happy to see them go. As when we are happy and loving we can deal with whatever comes to us.

I often dream of those that have passed on. To me it seems, they are just through the door. And when I die I will step through and join them.



REgards

I have felt relief ever since I disposed of the ashes. I thought that I would be feeling regret by now, but I have not. I want to carry my mother with me but I want it to be nicely. The death of my brother stirred up too many bad memories and it was the connection between the him and my mother that was upsetting. My mother once fully admitted that she would sell my soul to the devil if she thought it would help my brother. Having both their ashes in my house was just too much. I did tip them together though so now their bones have mingled.

My Dad died a year ago last October and already i am struggling to remember the sound of his voice .
He died 2 wks after his 55th birthday very suddenly.MY comfort is that the morning he had died he had been to my house and was wearing the t-shirt i had bought him for his birthday.The T-shirt is under my pillow in my bed and every night before i go to sleep i smell it and say "goodnight pops love you loads".In the morning when i go downstairs his handprint his hanging on my living room wall(the donor team had it done for us) so i i say"morning you old git",he'd like that

I am very glad you have gained freedom from the bad vibes LL.
jojo that must have been such a shock for you, but at least you have the loving memories of your Dad, those will never go, even though the voice might fade.

I did not meet my father until I was over 50 years old and he only lived for a few more years so I did not get to know him well. What I did see of him, I liked very much. He died while I was in Egypt and I missed his funeral completely. His photo is in front of me on the wall behind my desk though and I look at it every day.

What a shame you didn't have longer together LL